The Anatomy Of...

Today, we will take a detailed look at the anatomy of a prep. Only by a thorough examination will we be able to determine what makes a prep a prep.

First off, let's start with the hair. Mousse and/or gel...lots of it. There does not exist a prep on the planet who is more than 42 seconds away from a full line of hair care products. If you are a male prep, you undoubtedly have that horrible cabbage-leaf/bucket-head hairdo that has become popular again. I've seen movies from when it was popular the first time around. It shouldn't have been. Any time you look like the antagonist from the first Karate Kid movie, you shouldn't go out in public. What's next? A Member's Only jacket? This hairdo has late 70's/early 80's written all over it. If you are a female prep, however, your hair is bleached blonde and bubbly - just like Britney!

Next, let's go with shirts. Male preps wear rugby shirts, even though 98.4% of them have never played the sport. 72.9% of the male preps couldn't even begin to describe what the sport of rugby entails. If you are a female prep, you wear the last shirt you saw on MTV. If you are over 12 and daddy is rich enough, this shirt is displayed proudly across two piles of his money. Otherwise, you'll have to wait d4 years.

Jeans/slacks/shorts/skirts etc. OK, if you wear denim, only the good stuff will do, you know the $60 A$F pair. Then, you must take a pair of scissors to the already faded and tattered jeans and slice them up the side to "make room for your shoes". Ladies, lucky for you A$F has a female line - Abercrombie and Bitch to make sure that you spend just as much, if not more, money than your male prep counterparts.

Shoes. Well, that all depends. What is the most popular this week? And which are not on sale? Let's see, there's always Nike for that sporty prep look. Or Doc Marten's for that trendy prep look. In the summer, you can't forget your $150 pair of Birkenstock sandals, cause Lord knows that the more expensive they are, the better they are. Oh and there's always the perennial Timberland's. Yeah, when was the last time you took a hike? Hell, when was the last time you made it out of the suburbs or the mall even?

What is the trendy prep driving? Whatever their parents can afford, that's what. Most likely, a sports utility vehicle - that way they get to spend more money on gas (premium of course) too. Or, since the mindless masses have been herded to sports cars like the good little sheep they are by the movie The Fast and the Furious, a prep may be found in a completely tricked out Honda. Preps, I think you missed one of the points of the movie. Sure, it's cool to have a car like that and all, but most of the coolness about it was that the characters actually worked on their cars and installed the mods themselves. What did you install? Was it a fat little check or a nice plastic card?

Well, there you have it, Chet. Have a fun time with Caitlin.

staff out...

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