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1979
age 21
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Hard to believe - this was Michael
Jackson. He was born August 28, 1958 - one of 9 kids. His father
reportedly nicknamed him "Big Nose". Mike was born an African-American guy. "Normal", if you will, and very talented. Despite the current, sad stories about his lonely, sad childhood, Mike grew up surrounded by famous people and an adoring public. At age 5, Mike and his brothers were the amazing 'Jackson 5'. They played locally, then in New York and Philly. They were "discovered" by Gladys Knight and pianist Billy Taylor at the famous Apollo Theater in Harlem. By age 11, Mike was a Superstar. At age 13 he went solo and had his first #1 hit at 14 with "Ben" (a touching love song to a rat). Who knew he'd get addicted to plastic surgery, face accusations of child molestation and end up America's Most Famous Sideshow? |
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1984 age 26
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Mike
gets his nose slightly narrowed and his eyebrows shaped. This was his "Thriller"
Era and he was smokin'. People did notice this facial change and commented on
it - guys just didn't do this back then. |
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1985 age 27
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Another nose job to narrow things and permanent eyeliner tattooed around his eyes. Ouch! Is that lipstick?! Hell, it's the 80s - it's allowed. During that time he had an army of spin doctors, lawyers, bodyguards, agents, minions, PR magicians, attendants, and managers all making sure no one had a clue about his personal life but what did we care? He was doing amazing, selfless things - contributing to children's charities and starting his own "Heal The World Foundation"; co-writing the famous "We Are The World" song to help African famine victims. He was given the Heritage Award and praised by Queen Liz, President Reagan and others. Mike was everywhere, giving as much as he got and letting us all know how blessed he was. There was no one who wasn't impressed and didn't sprain an ankle trying to imitate his "Moon Walk" in their living room. |
Almost, but not quite,
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1987 age 29
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OK, people and the press are really talking now. Gasps are audibly heard. He gets his nose done again, and, in a move that will forever baffle the world, neglects to sue the bastard who botched the surgery job on him. He suddenly has cheek bones. In a mere year and a half his skin's gone from cocoa bronze to fish belly white. He first denies this, then blames it on the medical condition Vitiligo which causes people of color to develop light patches of skin that lack pigment. Well he doesn't say this, his "people" say this. Mike ain't saying a thing which is odd considering the good he could do to bring this little understood condition to public light. Rumors abound that he's been allegedly taking female hormones (note the clever use of the word "allegedly" to avoid a law suit) to remove facial hair and keep that voice of his at the 12 year old boy pitch. He's talking in a Marilyn Monroe Little Girl Whisper. He's started the Spin of the misunderstood, picked-upon Victim instead of an increasingly weird 30 year old man. He's creepy. People are making jokes that only in America can you be born a black man and end up a white woman. Talented or no, the fact is we're realizing that Michael Has Issues. |
Sigourney
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1991 age 32
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In an insult
to transvestite men everywhere, Mike does this. He doesn't even have the decency to stop grabbing
his crotch every 1.0045 seconds.
His skin is getting lighter still even though it's supposedly already
been lightened (or not...who do you believe? Him or his PR people?).
His public antics are presented weekly, as are his new lip colors.
He should pick a damn color and stick with it already. Eyebrows
were whittled down to Joan Crawford peaks. He now has an interesting,
manly cleft in his chin and a dropped, square jawline. The joke
was that he was really his sister LaToya - you notice you
never saw them in the same room together? He gets his nose done
again and now sports little teeny triangles for nostrils and a
sharp razor ridge you could grate cheese on. Popular opinion is
he "fucked it up". He defends himself in the press by
asking why people make such a Thang out of it... a lot of people
get a little nose work done! and it's not national news! Sheesh
already! Can't you leave him alone?! He's got a skin disease! (although
having Vitilgo has nothing to do with having nonstop plastic surgery).
He had a bad childhood! He's a nice person! He recycles his plastics!
Even people in his 'camp' are publicly saying the man's elevator
isn't going to the top floor anymore.
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LaToya. I think
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1993
age 34
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He messed with it all
again. Current Color: toilet paper pink. Cheeks: Squirrel socking nuts
away for the winter. Reportedly the tip of his nose is so damaged from the
operations that the tissue has died, and he's now wearing a fake prothesis
tip. (Ya think? ). This unnecessary and seemingly nonstop alteration
has passed into the realm of "self-mutilation" and when the shocking
news of child molestation
charges come to light, it's the last straw for his sponsors Pepsi, LA
Gear and others who cancel his contracts. The public, who forgave his mounting
eccentricities because of his incredible talents nod in silence about it all,
unsurprised. Most remark that someone with this going on visibly outside has
to have a lot of demons going on inside. In his defense,
Mike launches his second career as Whining, Weeping, Hurt, Offended, Innocent
Victim. Like being instantly on the verge of tears at any legit question he
wants to avoid is also "normal".
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Ms. Judy Jetson
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1997 age 38
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... didn't catch on either. Even the staunch defenders of Michael's sanity have to admit the boy's cheese has slid off his cracker. Mike gets a fake chin implant and suddenly loses his cleft chin, the sides of his face are stretched taut, his nose isn't pointing North anymore and it's anyone's guess what the hell he did to his skin this time. The Art of Cosmetology seems to be an unknown science in his part of the world and he's getting his face done at the local morgue. He has new lipstick and jokes abound that he's turned into Diana Ross. He is a ghoul and seems to be a sick puppy with all this stuff he's done to himself and his bizarre antics in public. Each photo that shows up in the coming years never fails to make people's jaws drop. Mike gets worked up saying he doesn't see why everyone but him can have a little nip and tuck on the nose but let him go have a tiny bit and BOY O BOY it's National News. ::fake sob!:: He doesn't think he looks that different and wishes people would leave him alone. We wish he'd leave his face alone. |
Bizarro Superman
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1999
age 41
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New chin again.
Nose again. New cheeks. Smaller jaw. The Bizarro angles gone. The
gaunt look is replaced by rounder fluff. This would all be amusing
as Theater except this is how he's walking around, every day, pretending
this is all perfectly normal. The weirdest thing is people act like
it is. I mean, you never see photos of Mike dragging the usual 3 or
4 little boys around with him, at some awards show and see people
in the background throwing up. Rumor has it he transplanted some pubic
hair to his jaw to try to make a Goatee in an attempt to butch up
, but the thought is too repulsive to dwell on. |
The Joker
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2000 age 41 
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Oh, this isn't looking good...a Goatee! Suddenly his jaw is an inch longer. He got his eyes pulled so tight he looks Oriental and they've ceased to line up properly. His lips have a hint of that lizard-lock smile you see on people who have overdone the facelifts. Good thing Japanese Anime cartoons are taking the US by storm so this is kind of fashionable. Hey, if you plaster the make up on enough, you can make anyone look good. A new fad are the "Glamor Shot" Stores, where women plop down huge amounts of $$$ to have technicians professionally do their make-up and hair. Photography experts professionally light them and transform the package into a drop dead gorgeous, stunning New You and take photographic evidence that it was actually managed. Everyday women are transformed into sensual, perfect creatures. Because of this it hits us that this is the trick Michael's been using in all those perfect professional photos we see of him! You mean all those photos of him are retouched?! Say it ain't so! When he's caught in public it's quite a different matter. And ack! Is that pubic hair? |
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2001 age 42 
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AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! GAHHHHHH!! Oh, sorry....My, my.. where does one start? Here is Michael at the age of 42 with his wrecked face and apparently no makeup. Gone the artistry of the airbrush, wizardry of make up artists and the kind, magic lighting of studio crafted reality. You can see the rumored (please note inventive use of word "rumored" to avoid a law suit...) fake-nose-tip-prothesis hanging off as well as the scars. The thin little beak nose of 1997 seems to have expanded once again. It's hard to see a human being in there, and it's amazing there are plastic surgeons who can mutilate someone like this and sleep at night. Information on Mike's face, his sugeries, his bizarre personal and public actions and the words of people who have stopped covering for him fill ten of thousands of web sites. |
Bette
Davis in "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane" a great, creepy movie  |
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Jan 2002 age 43
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Mr.
C.F.B. Lagoon |
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Oct 2002
age 44
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Tracey Orvez took this photo in the parking
lot of the Beverly Regent Hotel in Beverly Hills, California. She heard he
was there so waited in hopes of seeing him. What a surprize it must have been
to see The Mike, making his way to his limo dressed in only blue Jammies with
snow flakes and polar bears on them. Always a good look for a star, I say.
She asked if she could take his photo and he said sure...as long as she "stood
well back". I can't imagine why. The publicly decreed "third nostril", which appeared after the January plastic surgery (see above photo) seems to be closing up but has left an obvious scar. The tip, which has been rumored (damn, I'm good) to have died and/or be a puttied-on prothesis looks to be dead tissue and/or a puttied on prothesis. Said Ms. Orvez: "He looked like a ghoul. When I had the picture developed, I was sick. The guy doesn't appear to have a nose." Well, when you hack away at it for 15 years, that happens. |
Evil Dead 2
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Nov 13, 2002
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The story is that Mike was in court because of a $21 million suit filed by his longtime promoter, Marcel Avram. He says Mike didn't show up for 2 concerts New Years Eve 2000 and Mike says he thought they'd been canceled so he spent the night at home watching TV. ::rolling eyes::: Jackson wore a surgical mask when entering and leaving the courthouse (gee..wonder why?). His former publicist says he routinely wears the mask "to protect his throat from pollution and germs". Like that reason in itself is a perfectly normal one. You see anyone else walking around with surgical masks on? Perhaps it's to hide the dead, rotting tip of his putty nose. Just to throw out an idea here. What I think we have here is the New Howard Hughes. I like the wig though. I wasn't aware that the historic (3000 - 1200 BC) tradition of wearing dead marmots on your head had been revived. Are those caterpillar eyebrows? A 1000-yard stare? What a trend setter! Thirty fans were allowed into the courtroom after winning that "honor" by Lotto. |
Ari from
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staff out...