We have all heard of gypsies and belly dancers. But what are gut dancers? Although the ancient art of gypsy belly dancing can be both seductive and tantamount to lesbianism, its pure and erotic waters have recently been tainted by a new fad - gut dancers.

It is speculated that although this rare art form may be hundreds of years old, it has only recently surfaced as something the general public can witness. Our research staff first encountered gut dancing at a recent convention. No clear photographs could be produced because of the lack of a wide-angled lens. The photos that did turn out showed what appeared to be a gelatinous cube that had engulfed a gypsy camp.

In short, gut dancing is belly dancing for gypsies who look like they have inhaled other gypsies. Their unsightly rolls of girth flap meticulously in the air. When they turn around, one is reminded of the phrase "backfield in motion". Seriously, it appears as if someone has dressed a washing machine in silks and set it to the "agitate" mode.

Above all the jingling of jewelry, beating of drums and clapping of hands can be heard a faint flapping sound. What could this sound be? Three words: gypsy love handles.

staff out...

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