For those of you that have been stranded on a desert island and didn't know, a rousing new season of Survivor has started up! Once again, Jeff Probst proves that he is still a gigantic douche by continuing to be America's gayest man. I love how he abuses the English language with his constant misuse of the word "tally" by saying "I'll go tally the votes." Bitch, you are not TALLYING them, you're GETTING them. You don't actually TALLY them until you read them aloud and tell everyone the score. According to Merriam Webster Dictionary, "tally" when used as a verb means:

1 a : to record on or as if on a tally : TABULATE b : to list or check off (as a cargo) by items c : to register (as a score) in a contest
2 : to make a count of : RECKON
3 : to cause to correspond
intransitive senses
1 a : to make a tally by or as if by tabulating b : to register a point in a contest : SCORE

Now that that's settled, what do you think of the men vs the women? Well, "horse shit" about sums it up. Try opening a dicionary for that one, Jeff. It just adds gas to the age-old battle of the sexes. ::yawn:: Why try to separate men and women? When this is done, men take on the mentality that they can do anything and women take on the mentality that they have to one-up the men. Well, here's a team breakdown for further analysis.

Team Vagina:
Led by Deena, the butch dyke this fierce team of estrogen will do anything to mow down their male opressors proving once and for all that women are the strongest sex, because as we all know women are stronger, smarter, and better at everything. In fact, why do men even exist at all? Oh, back to the team.

Christy - When I first heard her speak, I was like "what the?!?". This biznatch is just not cut out for Survivor.
Deena - The ferocious bulldyke leader. She likes to take charge of everything.
Heidi - Nice piece of eye candy.
Janet - The obligatory "old woman". She looks kindof like Blanche Deveraux from Golden Girls.
Jeanne - Hey, her luxury item was massage oil. You have to respect that.
Jenna - Great googldey moogldey! More eye candy!
Joanna - The obligatory "black woman". She likes to sing loud gospel hymns while fishing, as most black women do.
Shawna - Even more eye candy! Damn, for a minute I thought I was watching Joe Millionaire!

Team Penis:
Rape, pillage, burn and kill! Rape, pillage, burn and kill! Rape, pillage, burn and kill...and eat babies! Wow guys, nice hut that you built for the ladies. You know that fag Jeff Probst is probably going to make the tribes switch sites before long. Anyway, here's the sausage:

Alex - Is this guy even there? I don't remember seeing him the entire episode!
Butch - The obligatory "old guy".
Daniel - Is this guy retarted? Seriously, does he have Down's Syndrome or something? Did the producers think that would be funny?
Dave - This guy is so full of shit. Lie to the girls, who cares? Get over it already. Oh well, he'll be voted off soon.
Matthew - A sneaky one. This could be interesting after all.
Rob - Ooh, another yankee named Rob. This one is not as much of an ass as the last one at least.
Roger - Backup obligatory "old guy". True, he is actually older than Butch, but he has taken over the role of "bossy cow" instead of "old guy". But, in the event that Butch is voted out, he will once again take up the mantle of "old guy", thus creating some kind of intricate "old guy/bossy cow" combination.
Ryan - Ah, the first voted out. At first, he was just another peon. But I actually started to like him when he decided to be conniving and tried to vote off Roger.

Well, look for Team Penis to get beat around pretty good by the ladies for a bit. But, don't worry; Team Penis isn't licked just yet. In the end, I'm sure they'll stick it to Team Vagina pretty good. Rob and Jeanne have pretty good odds at the moment. This Thursday, say goodbye to either Daniel or Janet.

staff out...

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