X2 for Dummies

X2 opened in theaters around the world on May 2, 2003 and the staff of ekajsmash has spent several hundred dollars on this movie already. It's not often that I pay to see a movie twice. Well, OK, I didn't exactly pay to see this movie, but still. The point is X2 is an awesome movie, easily twice as good as the first one. And on a side note, does Sir Ian McKellen have it in his contract that he will only play badass characters (Magneto,Gandalf)? Oh, and be sure that it is pronounced Mag-neato, not Mag-net-o (as in magnetic powers), because he is such a hip, swinging cat. There isn't a single thing I can think of to complain about with X2.

The morons around us in the theater, on the other hand, I can complain about. It feels like I'm forgetting something. Oh well, here we go.

Nightcrawler's opening fight scene of the movie was so well thought out that it rivaled any Matrix or John Woo choreography. This highly impressed the 2-man geek squad that was sitting directly behind us. They continued to provide both color commentary and play-by-play throughout the entire movie.

During the opening minutes of the movie, Professor X hits a time-stop right after Iceman puts out a fire. The elder geek said "oh, they're taking time to thaw out." Then Xavier shows up and explains that he has just stopped time. This marks Xavier's first appearance on the screen in X2 to which said geek proudly heralds "Jean Luc!"

Well, they didn't stop there. They continued to not have a clue about how to whisper, or even keep the volume a notch below foghorn level while explaining and speculating about everyone's powers. Not to mention they clapped like trained seals during any scenes that even slightly hardened their nipples.

The "no shit quote of the day" happened when Mystique injected the security guard with iron. The younger geek said, "she injected him with something!" There was a little whispering followed by another "she injected him with something."

When Wolverine confronts Stryker and Lady Deathstryke, Stryker tells Wolvie "I used to think you were one of a kind" then nods toward Deathstryke. The younger geek then surmised "ooh, that's Wolverine's sister." These morons are so delusional. They have probably watched the first X-men movie, but have never picked up an issue of the comic yet they think they know everything there is to know about X-men. During the same scene, Stryker explains that while molten adamantium can be controlled, the hardened substance is indestructible. That did not dissuade the geeks. When Wolverine was pumping the molten metal into Deathstryke, the elder geek insisted "he's sucking the metal out of her!"


Near the end, Xavier hits another time stop. The geeks have wised up this time around, because one of them triumphantly shouted "Xavier!" to which, I very audibly responded "Y'think?" I was only echoing the sentiments of the rest of the theater's patrons.

Oh yeah, now I remember what I forgot.


Don't forget to place your vote in Round 2 of Battle of the Stars!

staff out...

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