This weekend, the staff will be at MidSouthCon in Memphis, TN. That's right, it's time for MidSouthCon again. This year, the event will be held at the Holliday Inn Select, near Memphis's airport from Friday, March 28 through Sunday, March 30. The staff will be in attendance with flyers and cameras to soak up all the juicy goodness that is MidSouthCon 21!

MidSouthCon is a Science, Science Fiction, Fantasy, Horror, and Gaming convention held annually in Memphis TN in late March (March 28-30 this year). We have wonderful guests, multi-track programing, 24hr con suite and video rooms, an art show, masquerade, readings, autographs, a dealer's room, SCA demonstrations and events, board games, role-playing and LARP games, CCG tournaments, computer LAN party, and lots of other fun stuff.

Bonus Coverage of the War in Iraq:
Saddam Hussein Calls Bush a "Killer" DM

SOMEWHERE NEAR BAGHDAD -- Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein expressed intense dissatisfaction Friday with what he called President Bush's "killer" DM-ing style. A visibly frustrated Saddam was seen fidgeting with his dice and character sheet as Bush attempted to adjudicate an involved combat sequence.

"I need party order, everyone," Bush said. "Where are you at, Saddam?"

"Why should I tell you? So you can just send another Save vs. Cruise Missile my way, you fucker?"

Australia's John Howard and Britain's Tony Blair, the other player's in Bush's group, rolled their eyes.

"Saddam, you didn't explicitly state that you were checking that house for cruise missiles. You got what you deserved," responded Blair.

Saddam then accused Howard of planning a sneak attack on his character's share of the loot. "He always plays a fucking halfling rogue, always. He's going to pick my pockets or some shit. He's just that lame."

"I'm just playing in-character," Howard replied, "don't get pissy with me if you can't handle it."

"Yeah, well, I'm sleeping in my armor and keeping my sword out," Saddam said. "Good thing I'm not a sheep, or I'd have to be sure to keep my ass firmly planted against the ground, too."

Howard responded by cajoling Saddam to just "go along" with what Bush was doing.

Saddam had previously complained that he didn't get full XP value for helicopters that crashed in Kuwait, and that the CR of the U.S. 7th Cavalry was "way the fuck beyond" what a 6th-level party should reasonably expect to face.

Blair, speaking confidentially to CNN while Saddam was in the bathroom, expressed intense disdain for Saddam's playing habits. "We're always asking him to give us a hand with his wand of Magic Missiles, right? And he's always like, "Dude, I don't fucking have it. I used it up a long time ago." And then the moment he gets in the shit, bam! Out comes a wand of Magic Missiles. Big fucking surprise, the little tosser."

Blair and Howard share the suspicion that Saddam has a scroll of Cloudkill in reserve for a real emergency, which Bush will neither confirm nor deny.

"Well, maybe if he'd quit bogarting more than his share of the pizza and the Dew, I wouldn't ride his ass so much. We've all put up with his shit for so long, what else does he expect?" said Bush. "I mean, sure, the 1st Marine Expeditionary Force is a CR 18 wandering monster. No way he can take it. But what does he try to do every time? He stands and fights. He's like, "I give my hirelings rocks and sticks. They're loyal, right?" And the rest of us are rolling our eyes and trying not to laugh. It's kinda sad, really."

"I'm not out to kill Saddam's character," Bush said in conclusion. "Saddam's out to get his character killed."

"He's been like this for, like, twelve years," Blair added.

"He's still pissed because Israel bitch-slapped him that one time," said Howard.

"Yeah, no shit. Saddam's played with Israel, and now he thinks I'm a killer DM? Bitch, please," Bush responded.

On the way back to the dining room to rejoin the game, Saddam exchanged greetings with France in the den. France sold Saddam his old Magic card collection some time in the late 90s, but has refused to get involved in the ongoing d20 game. "I keep trying to interest them in a game of Amber or Theatrix, but all they want to do is dungeon crawls," France complained. "Typical fucking assholes."

NEXT WEEK: Accusations of player favoritism rock Bush's new LARP to its foundations. Bush claims "thirty, maybe forty" new players. France and other players on the Primogen Council express disbelief.


staff out...

Previous News  |  The Ekaj Archives  |  Back to Main  |  Next News

Questions? Comments? Sugestions?  E-mail the staff.