Today, we revisit the subject of whores. We all know that Lou Ferrigno is a whore for money. But now there is a new whore in town and his name is The Cat in the Hat.

A few weeks ago, The Cat in the Hat movie came out in theaters. Sure, it was a disgrace to Dr. Seuss, the creator of The Cat in the Hat, the way they tarted it up Disney style and paraded it around for everyone to shell out the bucks to go see. But then the advertising frenzy began.

Everywhere you looked you saw The Cat in the Hat. I went to Burger King - Cat in the Hat. I took a drink of Pepsi - Cat in the Hat. I went to the drug store even - Cat in the motherfucking Hat. Where does it end? Well, here is a partial list of things that the Cat in the Hat has been seen advertising for:

Burger King
Pepsi
Diet Pepsi
Mountain Dew
Diet Mt. Dew
Sierra Mist
Rite Aid
Febreze
Cascade
Dawn
Mr. Clean
Swiffer
Doritos
Lays
Ruffles
Cheetos
Hershey's Kisses
KitKat
Reese's
Jolly Rancher
Pop-Tarts
Rice Krispies
Frosted Krispies
Cocoa Rice Krispies
Smacks
Kellogg's Frosted Flakes
Froot Loops
Mini Wheats
Apple Jacks
Rice Krispie Treats cereal
Crispix
Eggo Waffles
Froot Loop cereal and milk bars
Kellogg's Frosted Flakes cereal and milk bars
Rice Krispies Treats
Kraft Singles Pasteurized Process Cheese
Lunchables Lunch Combinations
Mini Oreo Chocolate Sandwich Cookies
Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Dinner
Lunchables Fun Snacks
String-Ums, Twist-Ums and Rip-Ums cheeses
MasterCard
Rayovac batteries
Smucker's Fruit Spreads
Jif Peanut Butter
The United States Postal Service

We're not making this up. He's a whore allright. If you don't believe us, call Debbie Jackman, Universal Studios Consumer Products Group at 1-818-777-3188.

And just in case you're still looking for last minute Christmas gift ideas, there are 42 different whores available from hollywoodiscalling.com. For a mere $19.95, you can have a "real celebrity" call your friends and wish them a merry Christmas. For an extra $10, you can have it customized. Among the "celebrities" that you can get are Kato Kaelin and...you guessed it, Lou Ferrigno. Oddly enough, $19.95 is the same as an autographed picture. I guess he really does do all his math in terms of pictures. Lou Ferigno, you've earned our 2003 Double Whore Award! Congratulations! If you were still famous, we're sure you still be milking it Cat in the Hat style!


staff out...

Previous News  |  The Ekaj Archives  |  Back to Main  |  Next News

Questions? Comments? Sugestions?  E-mail the staff.