Well, it looks like some of the Brass Knuckle Baptists are in a slight disagreement about what it actually means to be a Christian. I guess too much alcohol at the First Baptist Bar n' Grill during Happy Hour will do that to you. Anyway, here's a recent study that was done. We have conducted some research of our own following.
Is There a Devil? Find Out Who Says So
Look to your left. Look to your right. Chances are both people you see believe in the devil and hell.
We are a nation of believers. A Harris Poll surveyed 2,201 American adults about their religious beliefs and found out some fascinating information. Most Christians--not surprisingly--believe in God, the survival of the soul after death, miracles, heaven, the Virgin birth, and the resurrection of Jesus Christ. But more than half of all adults also believe in ghosts. About a third believe in astrology. And more than a quarter believe they were reincarnated from other people who walked on this Earth generations ago.
This is what your friends and neighbors believe in:
- God: 90 percent
- Miracles: 89 percent
- Survival of the soul after death: 84 percent
- Resurrection of Christ: 80 percent
- Virgin birth: 77 percent
- Devil: 68 percent
- Hell: 69 percent
- Ghosts: 51 percent
- Astrology: 31 percent
- Reincarnation: 27 percent
Where will you go after you die?
- Expect to go to heaven: 63 percent
- Expect to go to hell: 1 percent
- Expect to go to purgatory: 6 percent
- Expect to go someplace else: 11 percent
- Don't have a clue: 18 percent
Here are some fun facts from The Harris Poll:
- Women are more likely than men to hold both Christian and non-Christian beliefs.
- African-Americans are more likely than whites and Hispanics to hold Christian beliefs.
- Republicans are more likely to hold Christian beliefs than members of other political parties.
- The level of religious belief is generally highest among people without a college education and lowest among those with postgraduate degrees.
- Not all people who call themselves Christians actually hold conventional Christian beliefs. For example, 1 percent of Christians do not believe in God and 8 percent do not believe in the survival of the soul after death.
- More than a quarter of those who say they are not Christian do believe in the resurrection of Jesus and the Virgin birth.
Here is our own straw poll of 100 ravenous Christians interviewed.
During a recent visit to a local eatery after church had let out all of the ravenous Brass-Knuckle Baptists and Mexican Buffet Methodists, our crew was on hand to interview a few of the carnivores about their beliefs. Here are the results:
What makes you a Christian?
- I wear a suit every Sunday, so I must be!: 46 percent
- I eat barbecue every Sunday, so I must be!: 29 percent
- I go to church every Sunday, so I must be!: 24 percent
- I believe Jusus Christ died for our sins: 1 percent
Where will you go after church?
- Expect to go to Sonny's: 63 percent
- Expect to go to Ryan's: 21 percent
- Expect to go to a Mexican buffet: 15 percent
- Expect to go someplace else: 1 percent
Are you a moron?
- Why yes, yes I certainly am: 63 percent
- I don't think I'm qualified to answer that: 21 percent
- Not according to the good book of "Lunch Menu", chapter 1, combination #4, because I'm saving $2.25: 16 percent
Do you actually know your ass from a hole in the ground?
- Let's see now. "Hole in the ground" you say? Hmmm...let me think for a minute.: 48 percent
- I have this "ass" thing. Don't I, honey?: 24 percent
- Out of my way, fool! I'm hungry! Interview over!: 17 percent
- Ass? Well, if we're stuck with going to the Chinese restaurant, I guess I'll have the poo-poo platter: 11 percent
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